Breastfeeding

No one tells you how hard breastfeeding can be. Not only is it a huge time suck in the beginning (20 minute feeds every hour with pumping in between), but it can be pretty painful. When I got pregnant, I read all the baby books regarding sleep training, solid foods, routines and development. I didn't read any books about breastfeeding because I thought it would be easy and natural. Not that a book would have really helped (as its hard to practice without a real baby), but it might have prepared me mentally a little more for the hardships I endured while trying to learn to feed my baby.

The little fantasy I had in my head was that after the baby was born, the doctor would place him on my chest. From there I would offer him the boob and he would eagerly latch on and happy music would play in the background. My child would be fed and there would be no problems because humans have been doing this for a millennium right? I was so not prepared for the completely awkward feeling of holding my baby and trying to get the boob in his mouth correctly with one hand, while supporting his head and body with the other hand. It didn't feel natural at all!

The other thing I was not prepared for was the pain. Not only was there nipple pain (from the 20 minute long feedings every hour, and from William "biting" the nipple), but when my milk came in, the pain of engorgement was intense. Not since junior high, when some rude boy threw a basketball hard into my still developing breast buds, had I felt that kind of breast pain. My whole body hurt and it felt like I had a fever. Even once engorgement finally died down a few days later, the constant feedings really took a toll on my poor nipples. It didn't help that William developed a poor latch and nothing I tried could correct it.

Everyone kept saying to wait it out. That in time the pain would get better. So I did. By the second month I was still waiting and starting to lose hope that there would ever be a thing as pain-free feeding. It hurt to wear a bra and take a shower. Even the slightest graze of a hand or arm across the boobs was enough to cause me to wince and inhale through my teeth. The other thing that irked me was that all the books kept telling me that I should be losing weight like crazy from breastfeeding. I hadn't lost a single ounce since 2 weeks postpartum. This whole breastfeeding thing was starting to seem like a huge scam. At least I knew William was benefiting from it.

Finally, at around 10 weeks post postpartum, I started to see the light at the end of the tunnel. As quickly as it came, the pain suddenly left. Its like my nipples finally adjusted to William's crappy latch. Also the length of his feeds suddenly decreased from 20 minutes down to 10. A much more reasonable length! He finally started getting into a routine where he was sleeping more, and at around the same time each day. This gave my nipples a chance to rest, and it also made it easier to pump and build up a freezer supply for those days when I might consider going out without baby. All of a sudden, I looked around and realized that my fantasy had finally come true! I could feed my baby, pain free, and know that he was thriving! It just took the better part of three months to get there. And from what I gather talking to other women, I had a really easy time of it! I can't imagine some of the stress and horrors that I was lucky enough to escape.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am really glad that I stuck with it. I am even finally starting to see some of that mythical weight loss! Its definitely not an easy road though and if I could pass any wisdom on to a new mother, it would be to expect that breastfeeding will feel awkward and difficult. With time it can often get better for some people, but to not beat yourself up if its just not working for you. The important thing at the end of the day is that your baby gets fed and you are comfortable and sane! As frustrating as I found the advice 'wait it out' when I was struggling, I would probably say the same thing if someone asked my advice.