Breastfeeding Part III

Breastfeeding has not always been as easy for me as the La Leche pamphlets assured me that it would be. They said that breastfeeding feels good, and that if there was any pain, it was because I was not doing it right. Well I am here to say that there was lots of pain and discomfort initially, that took a long time to resolve. Then there were issues with Will preferring the bottle to the boob, and then preferring one boob to the other, nipple pain during each growth spurt and ever decreasing nursing durations. We persevered through each challenge, taking one day at a time. Some days I wanted to scream in frustration, other days it was pain that made me want to scream. So many days I remembered reading those pamphlets and scoffed at the notion that breastfeeding was easy, and that if you are doing it right, it is not supposed to hurt. I call 'bullshit' on both counts! Not only is it pretty difficult (and I had it pretty easy compared to some moms), but its painful and exhausting, regardless of how well or correctly you do it.

Aside from the physical difficulties, challenges can arise depending on what kind of child you have. I still look enviously at moms who nurse their babies, and the babies are completely motionless, their modesty intact, beneath a cute nursing cover. Some moms are even lucky enough to be able to nurse in public, with lots of activity going on, with the baby still in a sling, oblivious to all but the boob. This has NEVER been William. Pretty much from 3 weeks old on, he was pretty active at the boob. If I even attempted to cover him up, he would flail his arms about and try to rip the cover away from him and off his back. How dare I cover him up! Whatever small shred of modesty I retained after childbirth (laboring naked for hours in a tub will do that to you) I quickly lost through breastfeeding. When you are in public and your baby is hungry, you will do whatever you can to feed them, regardless of whether you are able to properly cover yourself or not. Some things you just can't control (so many things with parenting in general) when it comes to breastfeeding.

So not only did I lose my modesty out of necessity, but Will is so easily distracted, that it is nearly impossible to nurse him anywhere other than a dark, quiet nursery. If I am lucky, and he gets hungry while we are not at home, I MAY be able to get an ounce or two into him, before he whips his head around to look at whatever noise he hears (meanwhile I am spraying everywhere). It is a messy and frustrating venture. Thank goodness we can now feed him solid food in public instead! He can be a bit of a wild man at home though as well. He kicks his legs like a Rockette, waves his hand in the air, in my face, mouth and ear. He pulls his hair and mine, snaps my bra and pinches my chest. In short, our nursing sessions are not exactly the picture of calm, bonding serenity.

So we have been through nearly 8 months of trial and tribulation with breastfeeding (though the first 3 were the worst by far), and have finally come full circle. I have finally gotten to the point where, just like those pamphlets said, breastfeeding DOES feel good! And most of our issues have been resolved. I actually REALLY like it now. We even have come to the point where William prefers the boob to the bottle! Amazing, but true! For so many months, the idea of weaning him was an exciting one, but now the thought makes me sad.

William is such an active little guy, and has never been a snuggler. Nursing is the only time I have with him, where he is (mostly) still, looking into my eyes and I can feel his warm little body pressed against mine. I will miss that intensely and I will try to hold onto that as long as I can. When I started out, I never had a firm timeline on when I would wean him. I wanted to get to at least one year, and after that I would leave it up to him as to whether he seemed to want to wean or not. Now that breastfeeding has finally become fun, part of me really hopes he will not be so eager to stop at one year. Only time will tell I guess. In the mean time, I plan on enjoying our nursing time together, having full confidence that we can get through any challenge that may arise.